❦ Dear You ❦

3


About a year ago I began sending emails to myself.

That may sound funny, but it was not a whimsical decision. Not really, although some of them are kind of lighthearted. It was a deliberate decision. Instead of writing in a journal, I wanted to be sure I’d see what I’d written to myself.

Each email was set on a timer to send exactly one year from the date they were written. And, as soon as they were written, they were promptly forgotten, so it’s always a treat to get them. They are really just meant as a mirror to reflect where I was a year ago as compared to where I am today.

Today’s email…


May 19, 2016

Dear You,

Everything is so damn hard right now. Everything feels difficult and dark, I know. Time seems to have stopped as the hours drag by. But, you’re home now. And you are well on your way to erasing the memories of that horrible night. Everything’s been changed, cleaned up, repainted, and new again. I know we aren’t gonna stay long, but we will be back in a few months. This is our home, after all. No act of violence or murder can ever change this. You have to be strong and make it back here.

Today, you are suffering and in the most pain you’ve ever felt in your adult life. There are days when you hurt so badly, you can’t even move or breath without involuntary tears. Sleep has become synonymous with wakefulness, and mostly preferred over anything. The dogs are somber these days and Alex doesn’t know this, but you listen to him cry at night, down the hall, with his door open ~ keeping vigil.

By the time you get this, let’s hope he’s resumed normal living and sleeps with the door closed again. We can do without the snoring, frankly.

You know that you are a survivor, of course.

That will probably sound redundant by the time you get this. If you’ve done your job right, then that sentence should go without saying. It won’t sound like needed encouragement and it won’t be a reminder of what you still need to do to grow and learn from this experience. Regardless of whatever grave injuries you have right now, they will be healed by this time next year. The bruises will be gone. The bones healed. The cuts and scrapes barely even noticeable scars.

And, your heart will be on its way to being whole again, ready for love.

(That was the plan. How’d we do?)

I want you to know that I was here when you woke up and I just know you’re gonna pull through this. By now, you already have. Always remember that even though you lost a baby, YOU still have to grow, to find a way to forgive and move forward. YOU still have work to do. You still have so much left to give the world. And in some ways, your work hasn’t even begun. You wanted to be reminded that these years ahead of you, now, are for giving back to the world that helped you become the woman you are. So, that’s what I’m doing today. Reminding you.

By now, when you get this, you should be trotting around as though nothing ever happened. Your body will be 100% healed. Your mind will be clearer, less like this labyrinth of pain and fury you feel today. The nightmares should be gone. The fear should have dissipated. The loss? The loss will probably still be there, but you know that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle.

You’re the lucky one, remember. Just not that day….

Your goal for May 19, 2017: give yourself a break this weekend. And then, starting Monday, embark on a plan to engage in volunteer work (or more, if you already are).

Grab Alex and the Things and get into your car this weekend (no exceptions!) and drive to that place in the mountains you guys love. Turn your computer off. Turn your phone off. Break out the chess board and commence to wailing Alex’s ass as he has so charmingly for many years claimed you cannot. Just because you are 0-22 doesn’t mean you can’t finally win! ;o)

I have complete and total faith in you, K. You got this. Without question.

Forever on Your Side,

You


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© 2017 khp. all rights reserved.

160 thoughts on “❦ Dear You ❦

      1. Winter is coming. 0630. About to go to work. Meditation and getting calves ready xx

      2. Time is on my side. Might head out tonight. Saying goodbye to someone who has lived here for 5 years x

      3. Been an interesting relationship. The friendship could grow stronger. She still has a lot to deal with. Seems as things didn’t go well for her here that she worked out I was the only one here who cared that she was ok and didn’t want or need anything from her. A lot of bullshit artists. Especially in fashionable scenes. Hipsters etc… Ran into one guy last night who was mates with my friend who died 5 years ago. This guy last night actually owned the bar a friend had invited me to. Pete’s old mate tried to pick a fight with me. Don’t know why other than he came at me head on. Nipped that one in the bud. Some people should take their bad manners to gym more

      4. I can’t imagine what I did to upset the bloke so much in the last 5 years. His method of attack was on my not being a drinker but I have been sober 18 years so the fat fool didn’t look too good. I know people in outlaw bike clubs who respect my sobriety and their are dangerous people in the slums who love me because I am one who got away. My diplomacy is adroit enough to deal with a fat narco rapist trying to make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe he and his mates shouldn’t have pushed drugs and booze on the terminal friend who had been sober 16 years and socially estranged from them for much of that time whether they cared to be attentive to it or not. As for the media druggie connections who attacked James Hird through the footy club coteries…. oh well I have my health. It is actually rude the physical condition I am in for 40. Lucky I don’t ask such blokes where the G spot is because then I have to interrupt them from talking about their assholes and say… no on her

      5. It may have been that I deleted Facebook a few years ago. I am he could have txted me useless information or photos of his food etc… he’s been eating a bit of it.

      6. One person from Facebook I did miss and have recently got in touch with again. Hope you’re ok in Nevada. Best wishes x

      7. Maybe if they did their women would be perpetually unsatisfied and they might actually be able to make her feel good. Cos they can’t punch on with me either. Maybe they don’t actually like women and they resent having family, business, everything they wanted? No discipline and not my fault the more they bitch about me to their women the more their women laugh and smile at me. Poor bastards. Guess it’s not anything I will ever understand xx

      8. We should talk more. What state are you in? I lost touch with someone else on here from Seattle

      9. Nice to hear. I am getting warm here in Melbourne, Australia. Done the week’s work. Heater on and home tonight

      1. Uh, cool. Have fun with it, I guess…..glad I could inspire you to do the same thing I did.

        It was an extremely painful thing for me and I shared it here with my friends who’ve been here since the beginning and know my story because I was kinda proud of how far I’ve come.

        I hope it helps you the same way it helped me?

      2. I’ve never thought about writing to myself. I’ve always thought writing to other people even if I never send it. But to write to myself …what you have done is very profound and I think it could be very healing. I would be so incredibly proud of how far you have come. It is truly inspiring

      3. Please forgive my incorrigible friend’s rude comment. I don’t think he meant anything by it. I’m going to delete it tomorrow when I sign back on. Too tired to do it now… sorry about his rudeness. 😉

      4. Oh I didn’t see any comments that were rude. I suppose you deleted it? It was a comment towards me? I can’t imagine why. I support you one hundred percent in all you do and get inspiration from your strength.

  1. My heart. 💋 Your determination, grace, and strength is a testament for all women who suffer this kind of violence. My deepest condolences for your loss, of course. In a strange way, I want to thank Shawn. Because if none of that had ever happened, I would probably never have met you. x

    1. I see your logic and I raise you more appreciation. ;o)))

      And thanks for your grace, mister. I know we’ve talked for hours about loss, love, and family. You have suffered your own losses along the way, so I know you truly get this.

      You’re a permanent resident in my heart. Love you. ❤️

    1. and you are mine. thank you for being so damn good. spoiling me, you know. I didn’t think they made them like you anymore.

      ❤️💙🌹♥︎💞💥🔥🌺💐🍇

      1. lol, my mother thanks you. she’s thinking of starting a blog here, thanks to you. she’s read all of yours and wanted me to tell you she’s a fan. 🌺

  2. Hello, sorry to disturb you on an issue that isn’t related to this post but about the challenge you throw at me the other day, I was thinking of making it a tag and calling it “The Mysterious Post tag” based on your same principles. I want to make it a co-creation because it was initially your idea but I’ve already created the logo. So what do you think? Do you agree? Have you seen this idea on any other blogger’s site. I don’t wanna be thinking I created something when someone has already thought of it. Thanks in advance 😉
    P.S: I tried to comment on the concerned post but your comment section was closed.
    Take care and have an awesome weekend!! 😀

    1. I’ve not seen this idea anywhere else and I’d rather not do a tag, honestly. I was planning on doing a monthly one on my blog considering how fun it was.

      That is why I put my copyright on it. 🙂

      I don’t mind if you use the idea to do one on your blog, but I was assuming if you did so, you would give a shout out: “inspired by” or a similar credit.

      I don’t want to do a tag because I don’t think people should feel obligated to do it and a tag will dilute the authenticity of it. Kind of like your Phoenix Award, you know? You only want one person at a time to have that award.

      While I may not be the first person ever to do this concept (i.e. rebus stories), I am the first one to do it here at WP and in this context.

      So, if it’s all the same to you, I really do not want to make it into a tag or put it out there indiscriminately. Of course I can’t stop you, but I thought I’d let you know how I felt since you asked.

      I hope you can respect my wishes and I hope you aren’t too disappointed. 🙂

      1. Trust me, just do one! Haha, when you see how much work goes into it, you will see why I don’t want it diluted or to have people tagged with it.

        You’re a wonderful young lady and I hope we can still be friends!

        Please do one! I know you are clever and creative so yours will be amazing!

        Love you. Sorry! Thanks for understanding! 💖

      2. I just finished listening to the audio version of your post and it’s hilarious with the gross exaggrations by the reader haha

      3. That’s me, hehehe! I got a few things wrong, like the year, and a couple details…I forget.

        thanks so much again for understanding. you’re a sweetie! hugs!

    1. Ahh, your Queen is a lucky one to have your heart by her side. Thank you for your kind words. Writing here has been an amazing part of this journey of recovery! 💖

  3. Uh, haven’t I already “liked” this today, K? I can’t like it twice, yanno! Stop clogging up my reader with your lame repeats! 😈

    1. lmao, I’m freaking dying over here. Daisy is on the table. She’s moved from water bottle caps to mail! It’s cray. I’d take a pic, but she’d probably lick my phone! ew.

      1. IKR? Geez! I come out of the bathroom and she’s sitting there in that stupid statue pose!

        Dinner was groovy, thank you. He’s leaving next Thurs. What did you all get into tonight?

      2. Uh-oh. 😦

        Well, I’m here to jibber-jabber if you like. As long as you don’t disturb my delicate sensibilities, stalk me all you like. :o)

        And thank you for never telling me you loved me until you got to know the real me! Haha…

      3. You have all the fun. You need to write a book on all the dysfunction you’ve encountered….

        And thanks for the offer. I will def take you up on that, yo. for realziez

      4. OH, hell nah! You shut up! I’m tellin’. I’ll report you to that fake doctor you’re in love with.

        *spank*

      1. lol, maybe..she was out with some kook tonight, so you never know. I give it one hour before the first text hits her phone. heh.

      2. i am indeed psychoanalyzing your feurdian lips. in my expert opinion, they are in fact, perfect. 🙂

      3. yeah, well, don’t go trying to butter them up.

        I’ll have to slap you.

        btw, alex had judge jones put to sleep. forgot to tell you when last week.

      4. oh no? serious? well, leave it to you to name a mouse after a judge! that was hilarious. but glad you finally caught him! no more mouse turd!

        I noticed a copy cat, too. lol. Uh, there’s this thing called: stop stealing other’s ideas, souless succubus (otherwise known as originality).

      5. well, it’s bullshit. not a fucking ounce of concern, caring, support. nothing. just “omg, like I totally love your idea, like I’m totally gonna copy it!”

        Wtf?? Could some people be more fucking lame? Get your own fucking ideas, snatch.

        Haha, k, I sorry. Believe me?

  4. Absolutely blown away by this, JM (K)! I love this idea. More people should try this kind of creative diary. It’s beautiful! And so are you. Not said in a flirtatious way. This writing truly shares your heart. ❤

    1. Dave, I appreciate your time and friendship. I deeply treasure your kind words and take them to heart (in a non-flirty way!). You amaze me constantly. And you have a beautiful mind, as well. I’m glad to know you. Thanks for everything. 💙

      1. Absolutely likewise, my friend! 🙂 Can’t wait to get to know you more through your posts. Really looking forward to it.

      2. Good morning you… 🙂 I have a delicate question for you. I am going out this weekend with some of my girlfriends and I was wondering if you could help me pick out a cool outfit? You seem to know women better than any guy I’ve known, so I thought I’d trouble you for a bit of advice, haha! ❤︎

        Obviously, these are all professional models, but it kinda gives you an idea of what I’m thinking. We’re going clubbing. 🙂 And anything on this page would fit me, of course. Tell me your thoughts or email me privately, if you prefer: mysilentfall@gmail.com.

        And thank you from the bottom of my heart. It would be so helpful to get a man’s opinion! ❤︎

        I kinda like this one, though, I’m a bit slimmer than this… 😉

      3. Hmm…kinda cheap, if I may be so bold, K. 🙂

        Professional models, huh? I’ve seen the second one on here as an avatar? I could be wrong.

        And, yeah, you definitely could pull ANY of these off, easy. You’d look hot in all of them but I like the second one from the left on the bottom in the top pic. That is more your physicque anyway. For what is worth! ❤️

        I’m stuck here in HI and you guys are going to Drai’s? Bad girl. We gon’ do it up right when I get back, miss thing. xo

      4. Are you sure? These are all models for a clothing website. Maybe it was another avi.

        And thanks for your input, guy. I don’t want to look cheap, but I do want to look sexy! Haha…first girls night out in AGES!! ❤︎

      5. Hi JM! I’m so honored you would ask me! Maybe it depends a little on your purpose and of course personal preference. If you’re asking me my advice because you want to know what might be more attractive to guys, you could probably take your pick of these and get his attention with any of them. Remember it’s not just what you wear but the way you walk it. Confidence, charisma, you know, mm-hm, you know. 😉 Okay, maybe your purpose is just a fun night out with the girls. Then go with what you love. My personal choice of all of these is the gray one. It says super sexy, revealing a bit of upper thigh (sigh.. yeah.. love that) but it also totally rocks “cute” because of its sweater-like look. And you can never go wrong with a plunging neckline. The one you chose is good and has a nice “hollow-out” 😉 but may be a little tight around the hips for dancing, unless you’re planning to hang out at the bar the whole time. Again it comes back to purpose. I do love that gray one. That’s the one I’d want on one of my characters in my stories. Just my opinion, but not sure what it’s worth, hun. Hopefully it helps. 🙂 Happy clubbing. Let me know which you choose and how it goes!! ❤

      6. OMG, I swear, I am not lying, THAT is EXACTLY the one I was thinking of! Thanks…Not gonna get this one, but there is something quite similar at a store I shop at. Omg, thanks! And I have the boots, already, so…gmta. wow! 💖

  5. I can’t even begin to know how to respond to this…
    How to ease your pain…
    I’m really inept at the whole “comfort and support” thing…

    … and I wish to one day grow up and become like you, and your boundless grace…!

    1. E, you needn’t worry about easing my pain. It’s very eased as a lot of progress has been made this year. I’m just grateful for your friendship. You’re a funny guy, sweet, and super intelligent. I’m very glad to know you. 💙

  6. Very inspiring and brave post. And what an amazing idea to send encouraging emails to yourself. We’re all on your side 🙂 much love -speak766

  7. Very inspiring and a genuinely useful concept. I will be doing this and I thank you so much for sharing – it is so important to love yourself and treat yourself as kindly as you treat other people, and that is very easy to forget sometimes. Thank you x

    1. You’re so very right. It’s always important to love ourselves. I’m glad you find some use out of this. It’s been very therapeutic for me, honestly. Thanks so much for reading. 💋

    1. Thank you, my darling beauty!!!! Where have you been???? Don’t you know I stare at the door when you’re gone???? Hehe, love ya! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  8. Hey
    Thank you for taking the time to step on over to Love Relaished Ink. It’s wonderful to have your whimsical soul as a new companion on my long and winding road.
    From what I have seen of your blog so far, I’ve no doubt you are already finding writing a totally engaging and personally fulfilling experience. I hope the pleasurable company of words will always flow and follow you as you flow following the flow of your flowing path flowing into the wide blue yonder, and flow onwards towards the adventures that follow the flow beyond that…
    Best wishes. Take care always in all ways for always.
    Namaste

  9. Pingback: Dear You | SEO
  10. An e mail to yourself, an adroit way to keep track of where you been, where you’re going and where you stand now. I didn’t know you back then but I know what you been through and I know what you’ve come through. Every superhero has met it’s weakness, Batman ran into Bane, Superman ran into Kryptonite and Spider-Man hit Venom but you managed to still stand tall after all that has been thrown at you. It’s like I told you that night and I stand on my word, you are amazing. You say you are simply paying it forward with what you are doing now but you are doing more than paying it forward, you are cashing checks, saving lives and giving hope to the world that challenged you. God said it wouldn’t be easy, but it would be worth it. I believe he was referring to life itself and you are living proof of that quote because you make people believe that life is worth going on. K, you are a hero and you should never change. It’s awesome how you can look at where you were and see where you are now. You are doing that work that you set out to do, you are doing the things you said you were going to do, people out there are still trying to hit New Year resolutions from 2012 and here you are paving roads for the next year….stay strong!! If looks could kill, you’d be on death row! Stay beautiful!! You’re a damn good person, let’s see where the road goes next year. P.S……I play chess….pretty damn good. ;o)

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